Come Out God, I Promise I Only Want to Talk

A button that looks like a trans flag A little profile photo I made on picrew
category:LGBT
status:published
author:Amber
date:2021-04-06 17:35
tags:Amber, lgbt, vent
summary:A bit of my personal experience of dysphoria

Not Having Dysphoria Sucks

I have gender dysphoria. Big surprise, I know. But I didn't always think I did. When I realized I'm trans I had always felt more or less comfortable living as Sam in his body. I'd spent nearly 20 years being told that's who I was. Why would I ever feel that there is something fundamentally wrong with that?

I thought I was non-dysphoric. You might think that not having dysphoria would be nice, right? Wrong. I was constantly dealing with thoughts like "What if I'm not trans?" "What if I'm just lying to myself?" and "What if I'm just a filthy fucking pervert?"

Before I go any further I need to say this: YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE DYSPHORIC TO BE TRANS!! YOU ARE VALID!!!

Seeing all of the attention that dysphoric people get and the gatekeeping that some people do really beat me down. It made me feel fake. It made me feel like less of a person. (I actually had a first-hand experience with a gatekeepy therapist, but that's a story for another day)

Dysphoria Sucks

Dysphoria Noun. a state of feeling very unhappy, uneasy, or dissatisfied

—Merriam-Webster

As time went on I started noticing little things that were making me uncomfortable. I don't like my facial hair. My body hair made me uncomfortable. I started getting self-concious when I talked. It's gotten so much worse as time has gone on. I now have constant razor burn from shaving too much. I'll sometimes not talk for the majority of the day. Singing is a double-edged sword; it's fun, but holy fuck my voice 😖. Whenever I feel stubble on my arms I cringe. Earlier today I noticed stubble on my legs and wanted to throw up.

I know this is kind of an abrupt end, but I've kinda run out of things to say and just want to get this page published. I'll probably update this later and make some posts dedicated to euphoria.

Published on by Amber in «LGBT». Tags: Amber, lgbt, vent